3.28.2002
i can't
WAIT till Daylight Savings Time. Waking up at 5AM because it's light outside is very frustrating when the alarm doesn't go off till 7PM. My Romeo being restless and walking all over our backs at the crack of dawn is just as bad. Plus I'm anxious for sun in the afternoons...going home and having it be dark shortly afterward makes the day seem so terribly short in general.
On the subway on the way in this morning I heard a Jewish woman talking to her friend about the Passover meal they went to last night. Apparently the hosts dressed up like Pharaoh and Moses and acted out all the plagues and the subsequent exodus. She said it was "interesting" and even more so because there was a vegetarian seder. I was chuckling. You could tell that the woman thought the entire thing was highly unusual, but fun. I love overhearing other people's conversations.
10:47 AM | link | up| archives |
3.26.2002
want to look like barbie or ken?~ here's what you'd have to do
(HealthScoutNews) -- You've read the reports how Barbie dolls give children an unrealistic idea of the normal proportions of the human body. Lots of girls grow up wanting to look like Barbie, but find they can't quite measure up.
So the Yale University Center for Eating and Weight Disorders has put together a little check list. If you just do what they say, you can look like Barbie or Ken.
As reported in the International Journal of Eating Disorders, here are the goals:
The average woman who wants look like Barbie has to grow 2 feet taller, gain 5 inches in the chest, lose 6 inches in the waist, and lengthen her neck by slightly more than 3 inches.
The average man who wants to look like Ken has to grow 20 inches taller and increase his chest by 11 inches and his neck circumference by about 8 inches.
~
It is fascinating, how the media, toys, movies and games have shaped our perceptions of ourselves and what is beautiful. People are judged by their looks and I believe that to be especially true concerning weight (too heavy or too thin). Even just this morning I was walking to work behind a very heavy woman who was dressed in a lot of layers, long skirt, big coat and was wearing thick socks with her tennis shoes. The first thought that struck me was: matronly. Yet rather than tottering around at home baking cookies for a gaggle of kids, she was heading to work. My next thought was: secretary. And then I wanted to hit myself for falling into the very stereotypes that our society has shoved down our throats over and over.
It is true though, women are judged in the corporate workplace very much by appearance and weight, regardless of their abilities. To get ahead if you aren't beautiful you have to work considerably harder and really prove yourself. I'm not saying that you can't get ahead, au contraire, just that the bar is raised a great deal for women as a result of the fact that our image has a lot to do with how people see our capabilities. Growing up, my father was always on my case--"lose weight or you won't get a boyfriend," "better shed a few pounds or you won't get/keep that job," etc. The truth was that he was wrong...but only to an extent. He would have been more accurate to say that "things will be harder for you if you don't drop the weight." I've seen this over and over in my corporate life and have been directly impacted (both positively and negatively) by the fact that people do judge on appearances. My pretty face has opened doors for me. Reversely I've seen thinner co-workers gain attention for their work over mine for no apparent reason other than looks.
Barbie has shaped a great deal of young minds about body image over the years, it's true. And all her "careers" place her in perfect outfits, with Ken as the perfect boss/lover/husband/best friend, painting a pretty picture of adult life. I think though, that the thing that bothers me most about Barbie is that she has the most amazing and unrealistic toes, permanently angled to be wedged into that 4 inch heel. I can't imagine a single little girl wishing her toes looked like that. ;-)
My recent issue of Health Magazine has some interesting statistics on page 168 if you pick up the mag:
Percent of TV network characters that are obese (BMI over 25): 3%
Percent of American women who are obese: 25%
Percent of female TV network characters who are underweight: 32%
Percent of American women who are underweight: 5%
Average weight most American women think they should be: 137 lbs
Actual weight of the average American woman: 153 lbs
Average weight that most American men think they should be: 177 lbs
Actual weight of the average American man: 189 lbs
Pretty interesting, don't you think?
11:09 AM | link | up| archives |
3.25.2002
taking
the day off and my overly heightened sense of responsibility feels GUILTY about it...I mean, they know I'm not in today (was planned...I didn't call in) and I AM only a temp, but still, I feel funny sitting at home lounging this morning and then going to a movie with Joe in the early afternoon. Maybe it's the news that my taxes are going to cost me about as much as a fancy new computer . Makes me feel like I should be out there scraping together what I can rather than lounging around here at home, which is probably true. That's the thing about being a temp...you snooze, you lose. No time off, no being sick, no vacations, no holidays, no benefits, just a plain ol' little paycheck to scrape you by.
GAH! Stop me whining. No one wants to read about this sort of stuff. There are a billion other whiny weblogs out there and I don't need to add mine to the pile.
Dragging the boyfriend to see Amelie again (my second time, his first)...which SHOULD have won best foreign film last night, but alas...
10:30 AM | link | up| archives |
3.22.2002
the good with the bad
thanks for all the kind words and luck! Well, turns out I got "the job" but it actually isn't what I was thinking. I was hoping for something on an ongoing basis, but in fact what I landed is a side project doing some marketing program management on the side...managing the re-design and re-writing of a small company's site. Should be challenging and may lead to more work of this kind, but I just wish it was a full-time, benefits included, I can quit my temp job, sort of thing. Sigh sigh. I need this sort of work for my resume anyway.
Also, Mother Nature apparently doesn't have the same timetable for spring that we do. Stepped outside this morning into 17 degrees with 3 degree windchill. BRRRRR!!!
1:56 PM | link | up| archives |
3.20.2002
knock on wood
light some candles, say prayers, send me positive energy in whatever form you can for my interview tomorrow morning. Part-time marketing consulting gig with potential for full-time permanent position--twice as much as I am making temping full-time now. I need all the luck I can get!!
10:51 AM | link | up| archives |
3.19.2002
i moved
to Boston from a city that gave out $50 jaywalking tickets. Imagine my great surprise and horror when I discovered that Boston is the king of jaywalking towns. My new colleagues and friends immediately realized this and made great fun of me when they realized I was the only one still standing on the corner waiting for the light to change and they were already across the street. I was used to walking to the crosswalk and not crossing in the middle of the road. Driving to and from work on Cambridge Street in Cambridge proved to be some of the most stressful times of my day...due to the insane traffic, double parking and jaywalkers galore.
Boston is not a pedestrian or bike friendly city. Motorists drive like "bats out of hell" as my father would put it, and without street signs to really point the way, you find the road raged drivers tossed in with the vague and confused drivers. None of them care about pedestrians and few of them are friendly enough to let you cross the street in a place without a light.
This was evident this morning as I walked to the subway. I stopped at a crosswalk (no light) to cross the street. It's pouring rain and the cars are going 45mph easily down Cambridge Street (speed limit is like 25-30 I think) and ten cars go by before one stops on my right. Cars continue to pass from my left and won't stop to let me cross even though the other kind car is waiting for me. Finally, a car stops and I start to walk across the street and almost nailed because the cars BEHIND the car that stopped to let me cross decided to go AROUND him on the right (passing on the right is a terrible bad consistent habit in this town). Almost didn't make it to work this morning, sigh. Just amazes me.
Makes me wonder if I should change this essay I wrote around to talk about "When Walking I Think of Death"...
2:28 PM | link | up| archives |
3.16.2002
things that are
Big in Japan.
5:22 PM | link | up| archives |
3.15.2002
things i have noticed this last week
~the green Kermit the Frog on the top of the orange garbage truck in my neighborhood (deliberately tied there)
~the really drugged up middle-aged smelly couple on the T yesterday morning hanging all over each other (she was sitting on his lap on a full train)
~that I know more people grieving right now than I ever have in my entire life. :(
~that I'm losing weight
~that it gets really old having the guy I report to always calling me "little buddy" as though I were 20 years old and a total n00bie.
~that the (drug-dealing?) neighbors upstairs have a dried flower heart wreath (can you spell T-A-C-K-Y) in each of their two front facing windows (hullo...27 year old guy living there?)
~that I've written more poetry in the last two months than I did all last year
~I haven't written in my journal since November
~the one year old (barely walking) child mostly unsupervised on the playground climbing the ladder and going down the playground slide face first...I couldn't believe that the mother wasn't around or paying attention
~a woman in my department who for the last two weeks I've been wondering if she's pregnant (she's hidden it well) suddenly can't hide it anymore
~that I've been living in Boston for nearly six years
5:56 PM | link | up| archives |
3.11.2002
as part of
my training for the walk I'm doing in May, I've been taking the long way to work, which means that I'm taking a different train than I normally would. What this also means is that my stop when I reach downtown is several blocks away from the building I work in (still the silly temp job), so I am passing by parts of downtown that I'm unfamiliar with. I love this part of my walk, usually in the morning, because it really shows me how interesting and old Boston is. The architecture of some of these old buildings is breathtaking, with intricate stonework, metal work and great custom made doorways. The Boston Stock Exchange and the Post Office downtown are great examples of this, as well as some of the law firms and insurance companies that are downtown. I love going different ways to and from work so that I can see more of the quirkiness of our city. It makes it seem all the more fascinating to me just when it was beginning to feel very un-fascinating.
When I was very young, my father worked as an architect (long before computers took over the task). He had a drawing board at the house and I loved to sit with him and watch, and look at all the crazy mechanical pencils. My favorite thing that he had was his electric eraser. It was a metal contraption that used long green erasers and when you turned it on, it spun around for efficient erasing. It was the coolest gadget that I had ever seen. I remember clearly how it smelled after you erased something (the friction from the eraser mostly) and I used to ask him to let me erase. When you held the thing in your hand, it vibrated like crazy...as a little kid it was hard to hold but eventually I got better.
I have a friend (who seems long lost now, sigh) who was an architect here in Boston. He told me once that the building he thought was the greatest work of architecture was City Hall. I can see what he meant...it's such a wild, out there sort of structure, but the inside of that building is so sterile, so seemingly half-finished...so depressing, that I can't wholly agree. Architecture is somewhat like art in that the design creates an atmosphere...and I am not so sure that the atmosphere in that building is a good one. A clever way of expressing one's feeling about government, perhaps, but uplifting, not at all. I wish I could spend more time viewing some of the buildings in and around Boston to form my own opinion. My father's love of building is in me a little bit and I love to look at old houses, interesting structures and imagine pasts and possibilities.
I need to get out of this country and see Europe. It's been a lifelong wish of mine, since I was very little and I'm 30 now and have barely explored at all. One of the very very few regrets I have in my life.
10:00 AM | link | up| archives |
3.7.2002
there are
reasons why I don't give anyone my URL at any current employer until I have left. Too paranoid that this could happen to me.
3:05 PM | link | up| archives |
"Most people live,
whether physically, intellectually or morally, in a very restricted circle of their potential being. They make use of a very small portion of their possible consciousness, and of their soul's resources in general, much like a man who, out of his whole bodily organism, should get into a habit of using and moving only his little finger. Great emergencies and crises show us how much greater our vital resources are than we had supposed." ~ William James
10:51 AM | link | up| archives |
3.5.2002
when i read poetry
i find myself generally more observant of the world around me. I notice more colors, the shapes of buildings, the details on people's clothing. I find myself admiring the angles that sunlight shines off of cars, off bricks at City Hall, and reflects off of downtown skyscrapers. I notice more smells, notice the way that the cold feels on my face as I walk, notice new sounds and revel in the way that surfaces feel beneath my fingertips. I notice action more acutely: the way that the window washers pull on the ropes that move their platform downward, the purpose behind a policeman's stride as he goes to investigate an argument outside the T, the way a certain woman I see often on the subway holds her book, how the woman in the office near me sits at her computer. I am more aware of my body, the way my back feels when I sit too long in a particular position, how my hair falls across my cheek, how my foot presses against my shoe when it is angled on my footrest, how my skin tingles when I feel cold.
When I'm not reading poetry, I'm simply not as observant. I find this sort of fascinating, how a particular type of genre can affect me so greatly. I feel more creative when I am reading poetry, when I am delighting in the way that poetry sounds, the images that are connected, the nuances of the words. I'm reading Rilke right now and I have been consumed by the loveliness of his words. Everything he writes is just plain lush and vivid and full of the vibrancy of life. I find myself caught in the contagion of how he absorbs the world in which he wrote...and I too am absorbing the world and feeling desperate to write.
He captures this feeling so perfectly in this poem.
Moving Forward ~Ranier Maria Rilke
The deep parts of my life pour onward,
as if the river shores were opening out.
It seems that things are more like me now,
That I can see farther into paintings.
I feel closer to what language can't reach.
With my senses, as with birds, I climb
into the windy heaven, out of the oak,
in the ponds broken off from the sky
my falling sinks, as if standing on fishes.
Poetry is so amazing to me because it captures feelings in ways that prose cannot begin to do. It appeals to every reader differently and casts impressions of all kinds at every new reading. It translates itself depending upon the reader, depending upon where the reader is in their life--the experiences they have had. It absorbs and transforms emotion and spills it back to the reader with new sensation every time.
I find that people who don't read/like poetry have, for the most part, never really even tried. They look at it as something of cryptic puzzle to figure out, as something frustrating that they don't have the patience to deal with. I think that everyone can connect with poetry on some level--perhaps not with all poetry, but definitely with some poems and the emotions that those pieces convey. Every child likes poetry, why did so many people lose that magic that helps us revel in the way the words sound? Not how they are read...but how they sound, how they make you feel, how they touch you?
My boyfriend makes up the SILLIEST rhymes and songs and sings them to me. He has a knack for it in a way that I definitely do not. There is an underlying talent there...something that he might not realize or think of recognizing, but is inherent within him, despite his dyslexia and his frustration with the written word. He doesn't always connect with my poetry, but he DOES connect with poetry in a profound way. I don't think my friend Michael ever read much poetry before we met, but he found that he can and does appreciate it. When his daughter died, he discovered poems that conveyed how he felt. He sent them to me and although I had read some of them before, they connected with me very differently...the circumstance drastically changed the meaning of those poems for me, connected with me internally, spoke to me with a new voice.
There is such power and wonder in poetry and I am constantly amazed by how it impacts me and my world.
11:18 AM | link | up| archives |
3.3.2002
if you know what a MMORPG
is and you are interested in taking part in a study, check out this survey. Some of you might be familiar with the Norrathian Scrolls by the same researcher...a fascinating psychological study of Everquest. My friend Joanie is getting her PhD at MIT and one of the things she's really interested in is the way online community mimics, enhances or changes our offline lives. This study fits right in with what she's talking about.
8:46 PM | link | up| archives |
