rest awhile


so i went to timecube

last night. First thing I have to mention is that upon walking into the lecture hall, I immediately felt old. I was easily 10-12 years older than most people in the room. There weren't any professors present. Mostly undergrads--a few people working toward their master's and doctorates but mostly undergrads, dressed sloppily, in a lively hubub (god did I have that much energy?) with signs proclaiming Gene Ray for President, flyers they were handing out on their "takeoff" theory of the color cube, and leaflets advertising a "Cubic Cocoa" at some frat later on...Gene Ray as special guest, of course.

The one person in the room who was definitely older than me was Gene Ray himself. I was shocked actually. I think I expected some guy in his late twenties or early thirties (I suppose I just assume that people are the same age as me, go figure) in weird clothes and an insane look in eyes that must rest behind either a.tousled crazy hair or b. severe, extremely short hair or lack of hair. I was wrong on all accounts. He is an older man, I'd guess nearly 70 or so, and he just looked like he came from an old folk's retirement community in the south of Florida. He had a golf shirt on, embroidered with Timecube MIT 2002 and a golf hat, also embroidered with the same.

A young MIT kid moderated (I'm still trying to figure out his olive green one piece outfit, complete with orange and green woven fringe-edged belt. Halfway through the lecture he rolled one pant leg halfway up to reveal a white sock and brown boot. He was one of those kids that grows a beard as soon as he can so he doesn't look like he's 12 when he's really 18.) and he did pretty well keeping the audience and panel on track, and primarily, respectful of their guest. I was impressed.

The panel consisted of 2 MIT guys, a kid from John Hopkins and a complete and utter buffoon representing Harvard. I was aghast at the complete and utter disrespect of the Harvard kid. He was a self-absorbed jerk-off who was desperately trying ways to get attention for himself. He spent the majority of the debate with his fingers in his mouth (jeesh cleaning your teeth in front of 150 people for over an hour is pretty disgusting) or trying to find ways to make people laugh at him. He was the epitome of what Joe talks of when he generalizes Harvard undergrads--hoity toity, disrespecting and full of themselves. For all of the geekiness of the MIT kids, at least they had manners.

Gene Ray began to explain his theory, one that he said he has been trying to get people to understand for nearly 20 years. He says that his theory will change everyone's understanding of the world and that universities don't want to hear the truth. He says that authorities at other campus' have threatened to arrest him because his principle is so world-changing and threatening. The sad part about it is that he doesn't seem to understand that the arrest threats never came because they were "scared" of how the theory would change the world, but because he quite literally does not have the "cubeless" words to try and explain what in the hell he is talking about and he comes across as some senile, crazy guy...and no one wants a senile, crazy guy cluttering up their campuses. He wasn't invited to debate the theory at MIT because they were open-minded...these geeks invited him to make a mockery of him and he didn't seem to understand that either.

I don't think he's senile or crazy, however, just a man with a different take on how the world works, who is very passionate about his vision but just does not have the tools at his disposal to be able to articulate and explain to the world. He says that educated people can't see it...that we take man-made understandings such as math and time and science to explain the world when the truth is in nature and can't be explained in the ways that we explain them. The problem is, if he believes so strongly in his ideas and wants other people to believe them, he needs to find some way to use those man-made comparisons and examples to get his point across, otherwise he does sound senile.

Okay, from what I could gather of the theory (I'm realizing that I should have taken some semblence of notes...remembering something that was so vague and cloudy in the first place is hard a day later)...the world is broken down by units of four. For example, we live our lives transitioning through four stages (i.e. corners of a square/cube) of baby, child, parent, grandparent. We are always at some point in our lives in one of those stages or transitioning through to one of them. There are variations of that, of course, as some of us choose not to have children, but for the most part we are in one of those "corners" in life. At no point can we be in more than one corner. He believes that there are four general races, blacks, whites, Indians and Asians (of which, as someone pointed out, he would group Australian Aborigines or Middle Eastern races into probably the Indian seems to be based on looks more than genetics or anything else). I'm realizing that I can't actually talk to much to the theory now, a day's just a big weird jumble in my head now. At the time I could SORT of see how he ARRIVED at his theory but there are so many holes in it that it's easy to get lost. Plus he would start talking on one point and then digress into something else entirely. I remember that he believes a cube is actually 8 sides, of which, if I understand correctly, he is talking about the cube being six sides but the underside of the top and the topside of the bottom counting as two extra sides (but what about the insides of the four sides then?) He had a warped way of explaining time as a result of the way you could slice up the world in four sections, and vaguely explained that we only have a one-cubed view of our world because we can't see the other three portions of the cube. The more he talked the more I got lost, the more he contradicted himself and the more confused his principle came out to be.

Thankfully, most of the MIT kids were respectful (even if their questions were all thinly veiled with mockery) and the moderator immediately shut off the ones with questions that were purposely trying to be mean. The audience, thankfully, shut up the Harvard kid when, after the other MIT panel members asked questions that were great questions trying to probe into the theory, he spouted some random nonsense about Dungeons and Dragons in an attempt to bring attention to himself. Which he did...but he came away looking like a fool.

No one disproved his theory but that was because the explanation was so amazingly vague that they weren't sure where to start. Gene Ray had a comeback for all the questions, but half of the answers were convoluted, not answering the question, much like a politician who doesn't want to admit they hadn't thought of that angle. He mostly didn't realize when he was being directly mocked through questions, but when he did, he was good-natured about it and had a witty comeback.

I have to admit I was chortling when he said he wasn't human. His site states that humans CAN'T understand his theory so that was what his answer was when directly questioned on it. Later, in a follow-up question, they asked him how he wasn't human...and he said he was 1/4 human because the other 3/4 were in the rest of the cube. Yes, the sensible, make-sense-to-the-rest-of-society part.

The sad thing to me is that here is a man, SO passionate about his beliefs and wanting to get his words across. He wasn't mean or hateful as his site would make him out to be. He would find so many more people at least willing to TRY and understand his principles if he would not come across so inflammatory and accusatory on his site. Reading his words on the site you god this man is nuts, he's someone ready to go postal. When you see him in person, you realize that he is not violent or angry, but rather he just has a fervor about his belief, and that he believes the world is being ruined because we are not paying attention to it (environmentally), that he has a strange semi-racist way of cutting up the world into four parts, and that he has absolutely no idea how to articulate his "cubeless" words into coherent ideas that someone else can understand, educated or not. It's NOT that we are too stupid, or that education has ruined's that he is incapable of describing what he wants to say.

Had a wonderful dinner with Joanie, where we talked about all sorts of interesting things, not the least of which was Timecube. We also talked about virtual communities (she's at the MediaLab getting her Ph.D. and this is one of her passions and something that I am very interested in too having worked with Open Sesame and just in my experience in online communities). One of the things I was talking to her about was the virtual world of Everquest, which has it's own economy, it's own communication structure, transcends into real life on emotional levels, and bands people together from all over the world into communities within its own world. One of the most fascinating studies was done on Everquest by Nicholas Yee, and it is a great example of how virtual worlds work, evolve and affect real worlds.

I don't look like a geek but inside I suppose part of me is.

10:09 AM | link | up| archives |


oh my

5:44 PM | link | up| archives |


strange dreams

lately. The other night I dreamed of my grandmother, who passed away nearly two years ago. I dreamed we were in a bedroom somewhere, which I took to be hers, and I knew there was something wrong with her. She was so upset and I dreamed that I held her while she sobbed over and over. We just sat on the edge of the bed and she cried into my shoulder and I patted her back. I have no idea what this means. I feel like I should call my grandfather to see if he is all right but I'm afraid to.

Last night I dreamed of being in my old house, which I dream of often. My mother was in this dream and she was very angry and grumpy and every word she said to me was mean (don't remember what about...she was just storming around the house). I'm not a child in this dream, but the age I am now. I tried to ask her what was wrong and she said she didn't want to talk about it. I finally asked her if there was anything I could do to help and she turned away, muttering, "stop being so very obese." I remember my words catching in my throat and the horror that my mother would say something like that to me...and ran to my bedroom that was in the basement, throwing myself on my bed which was in the corner, crying into the pillows, so upset that my mother thought that of me and that she was somehow ashamed of me. In my dream I cried until my mother came and put her arms around me. She didn't speak but I knew she was sorry. I think in real life it was Joe's arms around me in the night.

I'm not sure what to think of either of those dreams...especially with my grandmother being dead and my mother who would never ever say or think that about me. They are both sitting with me, weighing on me.

2:00 PM | link | up| archives |


a friend

sent this picture to me...and it's pretty cool. > This photo was accompanied by this email: What an amazing photo! [The continents at night!] The image is a panoramic view of the world from the new space station. It is a night photo with the lights clearly indicating the populated areas. You can scroll East-West and North-South. Note that Canada's night lights are almost exclusively along the U.S. border. Moving east to Europe, there is a high concentration along the Mediterranean Coast. It's easy to spot London, Paris, Stockholm and Vienna [can you tell??] Check out the electric expression of Israel compared to that of the Arab countries. Note the Nile River and the rest of the "Dark Continent." After the Nile, the lights don't come on again until Johannesburg. Look at the Australian Outback, and, way up north, the Trans-Siberian Rail Route. Moving east, the most striking observation is the difference between North and South Korea. Note the density of Japan. [nobody sleeps!] What a piece of photography. It is an absolutely awesome picture of the Earth taken from the Boeing-built Space Station last November on a perfect night with no obscuring atmospheric conditions.

Actually this must be a composite photo...the person that created this email has to be fairly clueless...the entire world is never all dark at the same time. And the reality of it, while wild to see all the lights, is that it is an extremely good argument for combating light pollution in our world.

12:27 PM | link | up| archives |


the foo floor

bathroom display at MIT has to be one of the most entertaining things I've come across. It's nearly as entertaining as going to the Time Cube debate next week with Joanie, my ultra-smart working on her PhD toting friend. Those nutty MIT geeks. Gotta love them. I just hope they are smart enough to check the guy for shoe bombs on the way in.

11:06 PM | link | up| archives |

my father

bought me an old-fashioned water barometer for Christmas. It's a strange hanging tear-drop shaped glass bulb with a long teapot-like spout on the end. It's filled with water (tinted blue) and when the pressure changes, the water moves up the spout. It's fascinating. I'm still figuring it all out...when storms are coming the water is definitely high up, but the day was clear today and the water was up high last night...I should have checked it this morning though. I think the thing that it will be most useful for, though, is measuring my aches and pains (which in my arms are often weather-related) against it. GAH! I am getting old .

4:30 PM | link | up| archives |


last december

i had a phone call with a woman at good old Sallie Mae, my student loan provider. I was crying, barely able to talk to her at all, but trying to desperately explain that my monetary situation didn't give me room to pay the $334 a month that they were requiring of me. She was unmoved, and told me I could get a slightly reduced payment of $286 a month (due on Christmas day, btw), but that was the best they could do--I made too much money to apply for hardship. The last month and half I have been stressing about this, trying to save money to make that late payment and then try to figure out how to pay January's payment in February. Then they returned my form to me saying that I didn't fill it out right. I called them again, in a panic, and talked to a very nice man, who listened to my situation, asked me my monthly income, told me to hold on for a few minutes and then came back and told me that I qualified for an economic hardship DEFERMENT because my amount owed was 20% or more than my monthly income. I can't tell you how relieved and angry I was at the same time. Angry because that stupid woman put me (and Joe) through a good 30 days of sheer mental stress because she was too fucking incompetent to do her job right.

On another very good note...they gave me $1 an hour raise at work. Chortle...and the sad part (good part?) is that I am pleased as punch. A year ago a raise to me meant several thousand dollars a year (my last "raise" was in fact over 10k a year) and now to have $40 extra a week is pretty amazing. Serious wake up call, huh?

12:15 PM | link | up| archives |


for all sorts of random things.

~KMart filing for bankruptcy after 105 years. Serious sign of the state of our nation.
~Had talk with Joe yesterday over dinner about how many stores in Harvard Square have closed...Structure, Brueggers Bagels and others.
~Came into work to a PILE of stuff that needs to be done, then am bombarded by someone in the department that needs me to do a document ASAP...starting to feel very behind. Consolation: job security (even if I am only a temp).
~I don't have any new books to read.
~The snow from the weekend is already melting.
~I suck at knitting. Paulette, you should see this holey sample I have. Chuckle.

Actually I'm mostly just very tired. I never seem to get enough sleep during the weekdays. I attempt to go to bed early but it never works out. Managed about 7 hours of sleep last night which is just not enough for me, sigh. And when I do get into bed, lately my sleep is full of dreams. Weird, strange dreams. Last nights one was way too WEIRD to even jot down here. I wonder sometimes how many times my mom dropped me on my head when I was little.

9:34 AM | link | up| archives |


there is nothing more amusing

than getting a big paper bag, putting catnip in the bag and stepping away.

Romeo is in HEAVEN.

He's in the extra room right now, making the strangest kitty noises....when you look in on him all you can see is the tail sticking out of the bag. Silly kitty.

6:13 PM | link | up| archives |

i'm all banged

up. Papercut on middle finger of left hand. Huge zit between my eyes. Had an accident with the cheese grater and my right thumb knuckle. Whine whine whine.

But Paulette held a little knitting party last night, which is apparently the new trendy thing to do among laid-off dot.commers, according to what I've been hearing. Learned to knit a little bit but I tried to learn how to knit and perl at the same time and it got confusing...will just practice knitting for awhile, then I am going to make some cute vegetable-top caps for my nephews and one for Joe's nephew. It was fun though! I just wonder why all those video games didn't give me more hand/eye coordination to do this sort of thing.

10:54 AM | link | up| archives |


the alternative word for lush

is winebibber, which derives from the Middle English words wine + bib (to drink). I think I like lush better (then again, I just plain love the word lush)! For more great words of the day, check out, which I absolutely adore. If you are a lover of words, I highly recommend adding yourself to their mailing list.

It's snowing like mad outside, tiny soft swirling flakes, which sometimes are pushed by the wind into an annoying torrent in the face as you try to navigate the streets downtown. I want a real snowstorm though, like Buffalo NY had at Christmas. Something wild and near drastic. I love huge snowstorms and extreme weather, always have. Not TOO extreme, however...just enough to throw life a tiny bit off-balance but you know that it will turn out just fine in the end.

I'm going to buy new socks today. Tired of my old socks which have, as I believe Chevy Chase once called them in an old Fletch movie, turned into "cheaters." They slide down, bunching up under my heels, creating blisters, making my ankles cold and just plain annoying me. I have a lunch date with TJ Maxx or H&M, I think. The boyfriend couldn't be bothered to take the T to meet me for lunch on his day off. (/emote teases Joe terribly). He hates the T, which is funny to me, because I don't mind it at fact, I actually missed taking it when I was driving to work at Event Zero and Open Sesame. He hates it though...loathes it, and even if we are going to the Commons to see a movie (10 min T ride) he wants to drive (and most likely drive around for 45 min looking for a parking spot so he's not paying $14 an hour for parking). Sometimes he's rather silly, but I do love him. Joe...if you are reading this, you should drive and see George today...

9:22 AM | link | up| archives |


and shamelessly

stolen from bouillabaisse for the soul

If I were an AD&D character, these would be my stats:

Str: 7
Int: 13
Wis: 15
Dex: 11
Con: 5
Chr: 17

Sounds like I picked the right Everquest character...except the Wis and Int is a bit messed up. Yes, I AM a girl geek.

2:35 PM | link | up| archives |

last night

i was in a bit of despair. I found myself taking a shower as soon as I got home from work, mostly to relax and escape from my feelings. Strangely for me, the shower has always been a haven for my emotions...maybe because I can cry and wash the tears away at the same time. When I was divorcing or in the troubled years before the divorce, I found myself crying there because no one would know that I had been crying. But last night, I was home alone and thinking about money (and the lack of it) and the bleakness of the job market, my dissatisfaction with my body, my lack of a career, my dead creativity, and a whole mess of other miserable things. I was crying, and in the end, I was praying aloud. Next thing I knew, my kitty was there...he had pulled the door to the bathroom open with his paws (he can only do that if I don't latch it firmly) and he was trying to get into the shower stall with me (he HATES water...he has NEVER done this before). He kept pushing his head against the curtain but was hesitant to step into the water. And the hollering! Yowling, yowling. He sounded so frantic and he was trying to figure out how to get to me and he was so frustrated by the wall of water and the thin, translucent plastic curtain. I found myself desperately trying to get the soap out of my hair so I could shut the water off, towel down and calm him. Funny because he was trying to get to me to calm me.

He was trying to tell me that it will all be okay.

2:12 PM | link | up| archives |

i don't understand

why people on the East coast look at me funny when I order BOTH (heaven forbid) mustard and mayo on my sandwiches. They all seem baffled by could I want them both? No one on the West coast found it funny but they sure do here. Then again, when I was working in Beverly Hills and living in Newport Beach one summer during college...the people making my turkey sandwiches there didn't seem to understand that I DID NOT want avocado on them...I had to stress that or I'd get it. They also asked me what color cheese I wanted, not what kind...

12:48 PM | link | up| archives |


so how much worse

does it really have to get before it gets better? I don't think I really want to know.

10:24 AM | link | up| archives |


depression is

temping for a large consulting company doing data entry in their HR department, handling both the bonus input and the terminations. This company laid off 100 people in ten days last month. I processed terms for most of the marketing department today (wail...when will America stop laying off marketers and start hiring them, dammit!). But the sad part is...the bonuses. Some of these people make MONTHLY bonuses of $50k plus. Monthly! And not all of them are officers...hell, some of the office coordinators have bonuses like that. One MONTH of a bonus for some of these people would pay a YEAR'S salary for some of those people they laid off. Amazing.

I'll stop now. Makes me livid just thinking about it.

11:12 AM | link | up| archives |


i must point out

one of the blogs that I read from time to time and am always fascinated with. Part of it is, and rightly so, because he's famous, but that's not really enough to keep my attention, even if I AM a Star Trek fan (I remember watching the old episodes when they first went into syndication, with my father when I was very little, sitting on the floor in the living room with orange carpet, leaning against the flowery yellow couch, watching Kirk, Spock and McCoy conquering the universe. We watched every Sunday night (or whenever it was) without fail). Mostly though, Wil Wheaton's site is just plain interesting. Not to mention the fact that he's terribly prolific, well-written and witty to boot. But even more so, reading the blog you find a real person, which of course he is, but when you think celebrity, typically you think of their characters, you think of their public side, and the masks that they put on for the world around them. Granted, I'm sure he has some of those masks up, anyone with a site like his (and mine) does. You show part of yourself to the world, you invite them in and say hi and sit down and chat. The difference is, he has hundreds of people chatting on his site. :-) But still, you keep cautious, guarded, for personal and emotional safety.

But here is, on the Web, with a blog of interest, wit and often insight, with a serious consideration for his fans and the people who visit the site. You get a sense of him behind his characters, someone with a very interesting yet normal life, with famous and not-so famous people scattered throughout. He can laugh at himself, and his positive outlook is inspiring, at least to me (I need all the positive energy I can get these days!). And he spends a LOT of time updating and figuring out his site...himself, which is impressive. I'm nearly too lazy to do my own and I'm mostly unemployed (thank ya Dubyah) ...and here he is, with a very busy life and managing to handle his site on the side. Plus he pointed out to me. When I find sites like this one, I feel so terribly out of touch--I'm sure everyone has already been there--done that.

3:05 PM | link | up| archives |


got my first bit

of pornographic fan mail today. Came from some Brazilian guy named Jose. It scared me, quite frankly. I bet the girls run when they get into his pants. I'm talking the size of my arm--truly frightening. I promptly forwarded it to all my friends so we could all gawk in wonder and disgust. Boys however, welcome the massive size...I could always refer him to my several gay friends, but not so sure if he's into that thing.

I figured out why all the Brazilians assume I can speak Portugese. Apparently that cam site was pointing to my cam directly and not my site...and there is no link back to my site, only my email. So that's why they seem to think I am truly an international chick. Plus I think in my tiny little mind of Brazilians being swarthy but all the pics I've seen from people (up until now very tame) have them being light skinned and often light-haired. So I guess my blonde hair and blue eyes didn't stop them from thinking that perhaps I might be from some other country. Tells you how globally aware I am when it comes to South America. Not very at all. Anyway, I fixed the site...because apparently the date is NOT enough to show them that the cam is inactive (9/27/2000 ???!!!) so I put the words up there, removed the email and linked it back here.

So, if you are inclined to send me pictures of yourself in lascivious poses, please realize that I WILL commence to spreading them around wherever, to all my straight and gay male and female friends so they can get a good laugh, wince or groan in disgust. This won't happen, of course, till my boyfriend and I have laughed sufficiently and made up crazy stories about the reasons behind your desperateness to email naked pictures of yourself to someone who is merely pixels on a screen, electronic words and completely and entirely inaccessible to you.

3:49 PM | link | up| archives |

this would have been

a perfect New England morning if I lived in a quaint little town in the center of the state, or perhaps in Vermont or Maine. We had a small bit of snow last night and this morning the sun is out in full force, but it is quite brisk with a hint of wind. Absolutely gorgeous! I wanted to not be walking along the mud of Government Center, but instead along a quiet country path that leads toward the town square with the stark white pristine church and it's tall steeple stretching upward in the morning light. Still, it was beautiful seeing the way the snow was on top of Faneuil Hall, shining bright. It's a perfect winter day...perfect. And here I am, cooped up in what I am convinced is a partially sick building, tired, overhearing two older, matronly co-workers talking about how their kids dragged them to LOTR and the hobbits bugged them, the movie was too long and they didn't understand why it ended like it did--and how they liked Harry Potter better. Sigh.

There is nothing more that I would like to either a: still be in bed, cuddling with Joe like we do every morning and night or b: on a clean (i.e. not wet) bench in the woods writing poetry. I would be in perfect heaven with either of those options at this very minute.

10:21 AM | link | up| archives |


Saw LOTR yesterday

and it was amazing. I loved it! Incredible effects, decent casting (I'm not a big Liv Tyler fan and she was actually decent in this) and it kept a great pace all the way through. I had no clue that three hours had passed when the movie was over. They did make some changes to the book but for the most part they really stuck with it, even down to particular lines. I wonder if the elvish talked within the movie was true to Tolkien's was spoken too smoothly and fast to properly discern, but upon looking more at the movie site, it apparently is--they even had a language coach to teach it to the actors.

These are the changes that I noticed, which are not necessarily bad, just somewhat puzzling or annoying in some cases:

* No Tom Bombadil, which is probably good because if they left it in he would have been as annoying as Jar Jar Binks is to Star Wars.
*Glorfindel actually brought Frodo to the elves after he was stabbed, not Arwen. Glorfindel actually isn't in the movie at all but since it was such a bit part and they needed to bring out some romance between Arwen and Aragorn, I can sort of understand it.
*Arwen and Aragorn had a romance but it wasn't shown to the extent it was in the all. At least not that I recall. She was a warrior elf maiden and that didn't come out much in the movie.
*It was too confusing about the broken sword--it was Aragorn's sword in the book. I was confused on the history here and will need to go back and check. Joe pointed out that the ring was cut from Sauron's hand in the Silmarillion.
*Legolas was a sword-fighting elf. He had two swords but in the movie you only really saw him with his bow.
*The Council of Elrond was never a shouting match in the book. Elrond was more caring and stately than sneering, trying to get the ring out of Rivendale--he was more altruistic than the movie portrayed.
*There was no cave troll in the book when they were in Moria. Just orcs and the Balrog, who was great! I loved the staging in this part of the book...amazing. I don't recall the water monster either but that could be my faulty memory. They didn't look at Frodo's mithril shirt until after they had left Moria either. And Gimli was terribly jealous of it, which they didn't show in the movie.
*The dwarves and the elves really despise each other and when the elves found them on the way to Lothlorien, they agreed only to take Gimli inside if they blindfolded them. He was livid and the way the rest of the party pacified him and the elves was to agree to be blindfolded too. They were led, blindfolded into Lothlorien and out...which they never showed.
*They barely showed anything of Celeborn, who had a much more pronounced role in the book.
*Gimli finds a great reverence for Galadriel and at the time the company was leaving the elves, she gives them all a gift...and she asked Gimli to name his gift and he asked for a strand of her hair...she gave him a braid, which he carried with him always (I did read somewhere that this scene might end up being included on the DVD though).
*When Frodo decides to leave the party and Boromir tries to take the ring, Aragorn never finds Frodo and lets him go alone! (this scene DID upset me) The rest of the party have NO clue that Frodo was going off alone and indeed, he doesn't decide to do it UNTIL Boromir tried to take the ring. Sam had followed him so knew that he had left, but Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli think that all the hobbits, not just Merry and Pippin, were taken by the orcs and so they immediately head after them. In the book, they don't find out that Frodo and Sam are off on their own until much later, when they meet up with Pippin and Sam again. I don't understand WHY they had to make the entire party know about Frodo leaving...that it was a choice of the party to let him, etc. Wouldn't it have been more suspenseful to keep them in the dark?

But in other respects, the attention to detail was amazing. The fact that orc blood is black, the lines pulled right out of the book, the beautiful cities--The Shire, Rivendell and Lothlorien (the latter which was done entirely in minatures and the actors blue-screened in...would NEVER have known that watching the film). It was probably one of the best films I have seen, ever. How on earth will I be able to wait for next Christmas to see the next?????

I think Tolkien would have been proud.

9:33 AM | link | up| archives |


out of

sorts a bit. I feel restless and moody and worried I think. Not sure what is going on in my poor little head but it's a befuddled mess these days. Still trying to get over being sick. Mostly gone but have the residual runny nose and I get very congested about 5AM. My mom wants to know why I haven't written her back. Snapping at friends online in EQ (my terrible addiction) that don't deserve it. Joe prolly just wants to stuff me behind the couch until I start acting normal. I was grumpy at him last night too...over something stupid. And after a really wonderful evening at the theater and a dinner out too.

I know I'm worried about money. I'm trying to pretend that I'm not, but I am. I can't go to school this semester and I am trying very hard not to think about is a terrible devastation to me...I have an entirely unfullfilling underpaid temp job and for the last 5 months I've had my heart set on classes to help balance it out and now not enough money to go. Student loans are due. $380 a month that I don't have. I hate this feeling...the spiraling out-of-control feeling I get when it comes to money.

I'm not depressed really...not like I have been over the last year. Just scared and worried and trying to figure out what on earth to do now. I really don't know.

I need to add a resolution.

I have three right now. Now I will have four.

1. To write one poem a week, regardless of length or content or how good it is. (so far so good)
2. To keep my clothes off the floor in the bedroom (so far so good)
3. To write either in my blog or my personal journal every single day.
4. To adopt a more positive outlook toward the things going on around me, about the people in my life, situations, etc. (not doing so good yet)

Tomorrow, LOTR, finally. And taking down the Xmas tree. I'll have space in my living room again. And I need to start yoga or meditating, or both.

I know it's nearly that TOM, and that's a lot of the reason for how I am feeling, and dammit, it sucks. Sometimes I really really hate being a girl.

11:26 PM | link | up| archives |


in with the new


Resolutions. Are they worth much? Do people really keep them? Is it possible to turn over a new leaf with the beginning of a new year? I suppose so. The premise is right--setting a goal and aiming to stick with it. I found a few sites that are dedicated to New Year's Resolutions, which I thought was interesting. One, which helps you make and stick with them, and another, which shows you other resolutions people have made. Still another site gives you ideas about resolutions to make in order to help you live more frugally (something I need!)Some people think that they just plain don't work. But a UW study found that two months after making a resolution, that 63% of the subjects were still keeping their number one resolution. So perhaps there is hope.

I figure that this year I'm not really going to make lofty goals such as losing weight, exercising more or saving money. Those are things that I need to do regardless of a resolution and as such I figured I would focus on something that I need to change and haven't really thought too much about changing, until now. Simple, but important things.

My resolutions:

1. To not leave my clothes lying on the floor in the bedroom (one of my worst habits).
2. To develop a more positive attitude about my life, about situations that I am in, people that I have opinions about, obstacles that seem hopeless.
3. To write one poem a week irregardless of how creative I'm feeling. Even if I all I do is squeeze out a haiku, I will do this.

I think those are good enough for now. But beyond that, there are these resolutions that I think are good for me to keep in mind:

Perpetual New Year Resolutions

Let this coming year be better than all the others. Vow to do some of the things you've always wanted to do but couldn't find the time.

Call up a forgotten friend. Drop an old grudge, and replace it with some pleasant memories. Share a funny story with someone whose sprits are dragging. A good laugh can be very good medicine.

Vow not to make a promise you don't think you can keep. Pay a debt. Give a soft answer. Free yourself of envy and malice. Encourage some youth to do this or her best. Share your experience, and offer support. Young people need role models.

Make a geniuine effor to stay in closer touch with family and good friends. Resolve to stop magnifying small problems and shooting from the lip. Words that you have to eat can be hard to digest.

Find the time to be kind and thoughful. All of us have the same allotment: 24 hours a day. Give a compliment. It might give someone a badly needed lift.

Thing things though. Forgive an injustice. Listen more. Be kind.

Apologize when you realize you are wrong. An apology never diminishes a person. It elevates him. Don't blow your own horn. If you've done something praiseworthy, someone will notice eventually.

Try to understand a point of view that is different from your own. Few things are 100 percent one way or another. Examine the demands you make on others.

Lighten up. When you feel like blowing your top, ask yourself, "Will it matter in a week from today?". Laugh the loudest when the joke is on you.

The sure way to have a friend is to be one. We are all connected by our humanity, and we need each other. Avoid malcontents and pessimists. They drag you down and contribute nothing.

Don't discourage a beginner from trying something risky. Nothing ventured means nothing gained. Be optimistic. The can-do spirit is the fuel that makes things go.

Read someting uplifting. Deep-six the trash. You won't eat garbage - why put it in your head? Don't abandon your old-fashioned principles. They never go out of style. When courage is needed, ask yourself, "If not me, who? If not now, when?"

Walk tall, and smile more. You'll look 10 years younger. Don't be afraid to say, "I love you". Say it again. They are the sweetest words in the world.

Ann Landers

12:46 PM | link | up| archives |

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