6.29.2001
drugs drugs drugs
so many of them. It's amazing to me...how doctors dispense medication like they do. I am temping two days a week at a local area hospital in their outpatient psych unit and I'm constantly amazed at how many patients are here getting medication. Only two therapists are in this department that DO NOT prescribe drugs, that actually just counsel. But even more nutty to me, is that anyone can self-refer themselves here. Just call on up and if you have the right insurance, tell them, hey I can't sleep, I have anxiety, I'm depressed, I'm this, I'm that. Sure you have to undergo a physical and all that, but I have a crazy (hehe) feeling that the majority of the people here getting drugs don't actually need them as much as they need someone to just plain talk to. The drugs are wide and varied but the main ones are prozac, paxil, wellbutrin, and a handful of others.
And the drug reps...they come in every week, free food for all, toys and samples in hand, trying to convince the doctors to use their drug over the others. It's a shocking practice...befriend the doctor and they'll dole out your drug. I mean, I'm sure that some doctors will try to prescribe the right drug, but I'm not so sure that I'm convinced they know enough about the drugs to do that. That belief is further cemented by the fact that my boyfriend's brother is a hospital pharmacist at another area hospital...he says that the doctors mess up prescriptions all the time and he has to call them and correct them (wrong dosages, bad drug combinations, etc). Just damn scary stuff.
My dear friend Greg, who is in China and hasn't written me in ages...hint hint, told me a little while ago that my old high school best friend (and his ex-lover) was in Boise studying to be a pharmacist and was recently caught stealing drugs and kicked out. I was sad but it didn't surprise me much. The guy had always had a bit of an addictive personality. I think that sometimes that is often common as well though. I read a really shocking story in a magazine recently about an anesthesiologist who was very addicted to the drug that she administered her own patients, a very very very addictive type of drug. Pretty nervewracking to think that people put their lives in her hands when she could barely control her own.
Maybe some people do need these drugs to give their lives a sense of peace and calm, to uplift the very depressed spirits, to enable sleep, to regulate moods. I think that many people do. But I think that there are far more people who don't need the drugs who are on them, sad but true.
11:06 AM | link | up| archives |
6.27.2001
yes yes it is true
i actually took a vacation. Funny how that is, vacationing when you aren't working. But I did vacation. I went away, I stopped looking for jobs, I thought a lot, I had fun, I slept in, I ate well, explored new places. Spent Friday through yesterday in the Berkshires...one of the most beautiful parts of New England, in my humble opinion. We stayed with my boyfriend's parents, who I simply adore. I have met them many times before...the first of which was on Thanksgiving, a mere month and a half after we started seeing each other. Wonderful, amazing people...the perfect place to vacation stress free.
The weekend started out looking dismal so we headed off to the Howe Caverns right outside Albany, New York. We assumed it was going to be a bit cheesy and the whimsical folk art signs from the competing cavern down the road (the Secret Caverns) seemed to cement that belief. Even after the 45 minute wait in line (I'm sure this was a small wait on a summer weekend...we happened to go on a day that was BUCKETING rain so hard that we actually considered pulling over on the highway as we were on the way there) we were not disappointed. The hour and a half tour was fascinating, taking us on a mile and a half journey along winding passageways with stalagmites, stalactites and a cool flowing river. If we had had the time we would have gone to see the Secret Caverns, which, now that I can see the web site, would probably not have been as cheesy as the signs seemed to proclaim.
Evenings were relaxing, grilling on the BBQ...the boyfriend has a magic chef's touch with all food (lucky gal, huh?) and we drank fine wine and dined on steaks, fresh trout, spicy chicken, all in the comfort of a beautifully screened backyard porch that looked out into a small, well-kept garden that was serenaded by birds of all kinds.
We also visited Chesterwood, the estate and gardens of Daniel Chester French, the sculptor who fashioned the Lincoln Memorial. It was really interesting and the ground were gorgeous. Nevermind the HIGHLY annoying children who went on the tour with us. It is shocking to me how some parents just aren't with it...it was NOT a place where young children would have been interested at all. They spent the entire touring screeching, talking loud and being very disruptive. At times we had to strain to hear the guide. Then instead of a peaceful garden walk afterward, we found that we were doing what we could to avoid the terribly loud kids who you could hear from one end of the estate to the other. It was just really inappropriate...take your kids to a park if you want to let them scream and yell...I would expect it from a park, NOT from a sophisticated art museum.
Monday was spent hiking at the Pleasant Valley Audobon Wildlife Sanctuary. The four mile hike reminded me how terribly out of shape I am, but I made it to the top, makeshift walking stick in hand. It was beautiful. The beavers were hiding because the day camp was a bit rambunctious but we saw lots of frogs, colorful birds and interesting plantlife. Was a good day to get out...a bit hot but the bug lotion worked and we had a great time. I love hiking and wish that it was more convenient to do more often.
Radio in the Berkshires is rather permanently set in the bad part of the 80s when terrible heavy metal ballads reigned, but it is sort of fun to listen and remember the bad hair cuts, the terrible girly looks the rockers had and how cheesy the music was. You also have the opportunity to experience bad behaving New Yorkers as they swarm over the little towns. One out-of-town shopper in a local organic supermarket apparently had the gall to complain to the management that the locals should only shop on the weekdays so they won't bother the incoming tourists. Jeesh.
Next trip should include Tanglewood or Shakespeare and Company. Their seasons really start to take off during July and August so we missed the opportunity to sit on the lawn and picnic to the Boston Pops. Still a lot of summer left, however.
Now, back to the grind, back to trying to find that elusive thing called employment. :-)
11:12 AM | link | up| archives |
6.21.2001
i'm an aunt!
little Nicholas Matthew was born this morning at about 6 AM MST. Mom and baby are healthy...I'm waiting now to hear more news on how it went. Turned out that her regular doctor is out yet again on vacation (he was on vacation when her last child was born two years ago) and she is stuck with the same doctor that she had who was on call last time...one who really has no bedside manner, who failed to administer an episiotomy during Cameron's birth which left her in a lot of pain afterward. I'm hoping that this time it went better for her. My father says that little Nicholas is healthy though!
Oooo I can't wait to visit and see my little nephews! It is one thing that is so very hard for me being 3,000 miles away. Woot! I'm Aunt Crystal yet again!
10:35 AM | link | up| archives |
6.15.2001
sweltering
such a great little word that is. It describes the way it is today to perfection. I never understood what the word really meant till I moved East. Growing up in Spokane and Boise I had experienced many many hot hot summers with temperatures soaring sometimes up to 110 or so and still I didn't understand the word. Now I do. When I woke up this morning at 4 AM from a weird dream and plodded toward the bathroom, it hit me the moment I stepped foot out of the air conditioned bedroom. A wall of thick heat wrapped itself around my body, warming me to the point of uncomfortable in just a matter of seconds.
It's the humidity that makes things swelter. It can be 80 degrees here but it can feel a hell of a lot worse than 100 degree desert heat when you throw that moisture into the air. I hate that feeling--walking outside and feeling like you immediately need to go back in and shower. I never understood what it was to be uncomfortable in the heat until I experienced a Boston summer. The weirder thing about Boston, for me, is that the humidity isn't consisten. Some days it can be hot with that dry heat that I actually love. Other days it is like today...thick, soupy, sticky.
I'm temping at a local hospital two days a week and they are situated on a hill that affords some view of Boston when you are looking out the cafeteria windows. Today you could only see haze, a strange heaviness that is visible in the air. It's not smog, like you would see in Vegas or in Los Angeles when you are driving in out of the mountains, but it is just that...a thick haze of moisture that gums up the air, overworks air conditioners and skyrockets the sale of bottled water.
My boyfriend plays Boston Baseball and he had a game last night. I couldn't imagine playing in heat like this but he loves it. He says this weather is his favorite in which to play. Another friend, an ex-coworker and trompe l'oeil artist (btw John, have you read Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance?), loves the sticky heat as well. We went a couple years ago on a company trip to Captiva Island, Florida, and he was living it up. He loved the fact that the temperature was a constant 85 degrees with 90% humidity. Blech, not me.
But I DO like the evening effects that such humidity brings...sudden thunderstorms, nights full of heat lightning. I remember one night in particular, in my apartment on Newbury when I first moved here (yes, yes, I lived on the infamous Newbury for a summer), throwing open the curtains at 2 AM and watching the way the sky lit up in bright white heat flashes. I love the energy of storms and the heat storms here are often spectacular.
But the humidity? Even my cat hates it, sprawling out in a long thin line of fur on the hardwood floor of my extra room, trying to stay cool. Give me 100 degree heat any day. 100% humidity? No thanks.
3:49 PM | link | up| archives |
6.11.2001
rambling
the poetry bash bashed me...three spiritual poems are in the running now (content beats out literary merit in these cases unfortunately...sex poems in the running against God poems, ya know?). C'est la vie. Put me on paper against them and then we'll see who wins.
Been homesick lately. My sister is due to have her second child, whom they will call Nicholas. My father's birthday is coming up and mine has just passed. During events like these, 3000 miles of distance rather sucks. Still, I've been accepted into a new family in a way that really elates me. My ex's family was just plain cuckoo (and they hated me) so being able to go to family functions and feel welcome is a great thing. Yesterday was the celebration of my boyfriend's one-year-old nephew's birthday party. Was just a really nice relaxing time...steaks on the BBQ, fine wine, watching the boy play with his toys. I even got a little present...a sweet plush frog from his mom. She knows I collect frogs so she sends me cards and letters with little frogs on them. I am in constant awe at how wonderful his family is...and its such a great feeling when I am so far away from my own family.
Today is full of errands and more job searching. It's sort of funny but I have begun, just as I did when I was working, to look anxiously toward the weekend and on Sunday night I feel very depressed...because on the weekends I suspend the job search. When the week rolls around, the anxiety creeps back. It's so draining to go through this process week after week after week. Still what else can I do?
I'm paying traffic tickets today...tickets that should have been paid ages ago and weren't. And funny enough, my drivers license needed to be renewed this year so now I have to cough it all up. Can't keep driving illegally forever. Sucks though, that it has happened now when money is tight.
Heh. Listen to me, full of whines, full of cynical statements, full of slight bitterness. Bad Crystal, bad.
Romeo knows I'm out of sorts. He's taken to sleeping up near my head lately, on my pillow, as if this will comfort me. Or sometimes he'll climb up on our bellies or our backs and fall asleep there. Or if he's been slighted he will walk around the bed yelling in a strange alien kitty sort of way, complaining at the injustice that has been done to him. He is very comforting to me though, and I find that curling up with him on the couch or my office chair is often the most relaxing thing I can do. He is so loving, so sweet and adoring...I find a sweet peace with him that I really need during these times. Never mind that the cat hair is everywhere and I come away with enough fur on my to knit a sweater...
10:59 AM | link | up| archives |
6.7.2001
poetry bash is in full swing. Go here to vote for me (Search for Crystallyn, click the link and the competition is the last one on the page). Sort of a strange way to do it...there are no categories per se, so although mine is a romantic poem (ha! it's a sex poem), I'm being pitted against two other spiritual (i.e. God poems) and one nature poem (which becomes a God poem). It's sort of unfair I think. Spiritual poems should be in the category with other spirtual poems. It is difficult to be subjective about poetry when the people judging might be swayed by the religious content (or lack of) vs. the quality of the poem itself. The voice quality is also a bit difficult since you have to record the poem over the phone. But vote for me!
Tuesday night we went to see Richard II, one of Shakespeare's historical tragedies. Richard II was a gay king and the director of this play really took that to the hilt. The first part of the play was filled with pooftas, for lack of a better word. It WAS poofy--frilly pinks and purples, tons of ruffles and lots of buff boys strutting about the stage. It was too over the top, IMHO. I wanted that to be more subtle, for his homosexuality to be accepted by his subjects because he was King but not really comfortable with it...the emotional impact would have been greater, I think...that you develop sympathy for the persecuted King rather than feeling like he brought all the tragedy on himself. The latter half of the play has you drawn into his emotional dramas and big monologues but it felt very disjointed from the first part. Still I really enjoyed this interpretation and it was a wonderful wonderful bday present.
Niki got me a great cool cookbook too...MMMmmmm the pictures are yummy enough to want to eat the dishes right off the page. Thanks so much!
10:52 AM | link | up| archives |
6.6.2001
wanna hear my poetry?
Poetry.com is having an interactive poetry bash and well, I submitted a piece for the contest. Would be great if I had a few judges on my side, however. Go to the poetry bash and search for Crystallyn. After you get into the competition page, look for my name amongst the competitors and pick the group where I'm at. Listen to my little presentation (the choices of slideshows were terribly sad, btw) and the others then vote! Hopefully you'll like mine compared to the others. In my unemployed state I would love to somehow walk away with the $250 prize. :-)
1:27 PM | link | up| archives |
6.5.2001
so they say it's your birthday
well it's my birthday too. 30. Funny how this is. I'm not so upset about being old as feeling unaccomplished in a way. A lot of that is my lack of a job. Plus I've been homesick. Being away from your family on your birthday is a little hard. But I had a wonderful birthday dinner on Sunday night and tonight will receive another surprise from the most wonderful person on the planet. My sister works for Dillards department store in the cosmetics department and I received a HUGE box of goodies from her...more makeup and aging creams than I know what to do with. My mom sent me a sweet spring umbrella. And my ex-husband even sent me a nice gift as well. So its not so bad. I know a lot of it is the job stuff...I never imagined that on my 30th birthday I would be jobless and poor, sigh.
I happen to share my birthday with someone else who hails from Massachusetts, Mark Wahlberg, formerly known as Marky Mark...since turned actor in movies like Boogie Nights and the Perfect Storm. So today is his 30th birthday as well. We share that same funky Gemini sun sign and the emotional, sexual, loyal Scorpio moon. Wonder if we are very much alike in our personalities? Should I wonder things like that? I never really liked the guy much till I saw Boogie Nights, go figure.
According to Astrology.com, Gemini is a witty and flirtatious that Air Sign requires constant interaction, mental stimulation and lots of room to flit about. Ever the talker, Gemini would be bored silly by a quiet birthday get-together. Invite lots of friends, keep the music lively -- and don't slow down the merriment until the birthday Gemini wears down! Intellectually challenging trivia and word games go over well with Gemini, spotlighting their sharp minds. To see my birthday horoscope you can go here.
Today is the day that Elvis created an uproar doing Hound Dog on the Milton Berle show 1in 1956. Senator Robert F.Kennedy was assasinated in 1968 after winning the California primary. In 1963 Da Do Run Run by the Crystals was top of the charts. Singer Laurie Anderson was born in 1947.
At least it's a beautiful, gorgeous day today. I can't wait to find out where I'm going tonight!
10:42 AM | link | up| archives |
6.1.2001
tears are a funny thing
I mean honestly...the fact that we leak water out of our eyes when in pain, sorrow or even in laughter, is rather odd. Tears in this case, unlike when there is an irritant in the eye, don't serve any function of protection for the eyeball, they are purely emotional stimuli. Curious. For me I actually hate crying. I hate when my head turns stuffy, my eyes swell up and become reddened. It's not so much how I look, but how I feel the day after...tired, physically devastated, my head with a dull ache and my eyes feeling like some strange swollen fruit.
I am a pretty emotional person...note that I said emotional, which does not translate to irrational. I'm not the type of person to go into wild emotional rages or to have serious ups and downs or anything like that. But I do feel very deeply and when I am happy it strikes me to the core, when I am sad it is equally deep. It sucks. I wish that I could have more of that veneer that allows some people to appear more untouchable. I do have a lot of elasticity in my life...meaning that I can bounce back fairly well, but not without feeling a lot along the way. It is often hard to disguise how I am feeling, be it sad, happy, smug, disgusted, etc. I don't have the poker face perfected, unfortunately.
My father has great resilience...it is one of the things I admire most about him. He is a man who has been knocked down more times than any decent man should be and still, he doesn't let things get him down. He gets right back up and starts over, trying again, switching the angle. It's maddening sometimes but never have I seen anyone with as much determination and desire to succeed as he has. The problem with my father is that he is a visionary...someone who should be building the idea and selling it...not implementing it. That's always been his downfall, trying to do too much, trying to tackle things that are best left to someone with more expertise, trying to run the shop the best he can. It's admirable though and I am thankful that I have some of that in me...to be able to pick myself up and try again. Still, I tend to get more stopped...more stuck than he does, I think. I'm less trusting as well...and more cautious, which can both be good but limiting.
So, my pride wounded again, I'm picking myself back up and trying again. I submitted another 13 resumes this morning. Now say a few prayers, cross some fingers...that someone will make that phone call back to me.
11:53 AM | link | up| archives |
