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May 26, 2004
a picture is worth a thousand words
A Shell gas station owner put up this sign again in Menlo Park, Calif., Monday, May 17, 2004 as gas prices raise in the area. The owner put up the sign last year when prices climbed. (AP Photo/Paul Sakuma)
This goes back to the question...are you better off now than you were four years ago? Let's see:
1. Gas prices are outrageous.
2. Jobs are extremely hard to come by (and I've spent half of the last four years without a permanent job in my career, i.e. I've temped, consulted, prayed). Friends and family have nearly all been affected like this. Salaries are lower than before.
3. My tuition has gone up every year.
4. I have relatives who may potentially end up going to Iraq.
5. Health insurance is costing me more and my prescription drug costs have gone up.
6. Housing prices are insane (Median home price in Boston is $450k).
7. I feel a general unsafeness and unrest...I'm concerned about ongoing hatred and retaliation by angry angry Arabs...that may affect myself or people I know around the world (Madrid, Japan, England, US).
8. My taxes have increased.
9. I have lost money in my 401k.
10. I'm more determined now not to have children than ever...I don't want them to have to pay for the mistakes of our present.
In many ways though, things ARE better...but because I have chosen to look toward the bright spots where I can.
1. I met the man of my dreams and married him.
2. I am healthier now than I was four years ago and becoming healthier than ever before.
3. I am writing on a more consistent basis. My poetry has been published.
4. I have made a conscious effort to build up my social circle and to stay in better touch with my family and friends.
5. I launched Plum Ruby Review with one of my oldest friends.
6. I have three adorable nephews who enrich my life, even if I'm far away.
7. I went back for my M.A. which I will have by the end of the year, with, cross your fingers, a book contract by graduation this fall.
8. I reunited with a very close friend that I had had a stupid falling out with.
9. I have learned and grown as a marketer, using my learnings in CCT and my need to become creative in a tough economy.
10. I'm happier inside than I have ever been before.
The thing is, none of those ten things have to do with the world at large. I just wish that the world could feel as much peace and love as I do in my little sphere of things.
Posted by crystallyn at 06:04 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
May 23, 2004
weapons of...
Now these are some savvy women!
Posted by crystallyn at 07:10 PM | TrackBack
critical thinking supressed in new mexico
One of my favorite blogs, Bookslut, recently posted a link to a shocking story about a pyscho New Mexico principal who fired one of his teachers for not "censoring" a student's poetry. The girl's mother, who is also a teacher, was asked to tear up the poetry and she has refused and may also lose her job.
The poetry in question had no obscenities. It was a poem that was critical of the Bush administration. She was told that she was anti-American--for evoking the first amendment, one of the most fundamental rights that we have as citizens of this country.
The article goes on to say:
After firing Nevins and terminating the teaching and reading of poetry in the school, the principal and the military liaison read a poem of their own as they raised the flag outside the school. When the principal had the flag at full staff, he applauded the action he'd taken in concert with the military liaison.
Then to all students and faculty who did not share his political opinions, the principal shouted: "Shut your faces." What a wonderful lesson he gave those 3,000 students at the largest public high school in New Mexico. In his mind, only certain opinions are to be allowed.
Absolutely amazing. Sounds a bit like some Nazi thinking...doesn't it.
And our regime leader...well he seems to think the same, as the article suggests:
Writers and editors who have spent years translating essays, films, poems, scientific articles and books by Iranian, North Korean and Sudanese authors have been warned not to do so by the U.S. Treasury Department under penalty of fine and imprisonment. Publishers and film producers are not allowed to edit works authored by writers in those nations. The Bush administration contends doing so has the effect of trading with the enemy, despite a 1988 law that exempts published materials from sanction under trade rules.
Flat out makes me sick to my stomach.
We can be Italian citizens because of Joe's mother...and I'm thinking that if things turn for the worse this fall, we're going to figure out how the hell to get out. Maybe we'll turn all Dean Allen and put Joe's years and years of wine expertise to good use and find a winery and settle in. ;-)
Posted by crystallyn at 07:00 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
May 22, 2004
i highly recommend
Morrissey's new album, You Are the Quarry.
The thing I really love about Morrissey is that he sings such baleful, mournful, self-deprecating (bones and skin) angst-ridden songs in the happiest, most upbeat sort of ways. This is an absolutely amazing album. The only unfortunate thing is that it makes me realize I've been a Morrissey fan for 21 years now. Ouch.
Jem's debut album, Finally Woken.
Maybe I'm really slow--I guess you may have heard of her because her music was featured on the closing episode of the OC, but me, but well, I don't listen to the radio or watch TV much. I discovered Jem because I was suckered in by some marketing (go figure). While in Best Buy picking up the new Morrissey album, I overheard their "radio" station playing this killer song called "They." In a bit of synchronicity, I had just been reading about how most people believe things that "they" tell them. "They" being an anonymous body of people who instill beliefs such as, "you're too fat" or "you'll never amount to anything" or "if you wear that outfit 'they' will think you are dorky," and etc. The book I was reading was saying that if you actually break it down and try to determine who "they" are it probably is only a very small handful of people...maybe 2-3 people. It was an interesting exercise in helping you understand that a lot of our self belief is self-imposed. The song that Jem was singing, "They," seemed to be speaking directly to that. So of course I had to buy it.
And I'm very pleased I did. She just has a really wonderful sound, great lyrics and the song "They" is probably my new favorite.
"And it's ironic too
Coz what we tend to do
Is act on what they say
And then it is that way..."
Posted by crystallyn at 07:31 PM | TrackBack
flashback
I once saw this guy running naked with a bunch of other naked guys. Never understood college streaking, to be honest. I wonder if he remembers that.
I used to be his boss at one time, telling him that mixing oil and water wasn't always a good thing. But if you are into techno, I have to admit, he managed to figure it out.
Sometimes I look back on my life and it seems like such a strange dream...the people I have known, the way my life has changed. When I hear news of the people in my past, I feel a sense of wonder...of powerful memory, of nostalgia. So so much has changed. I'm better...I have a confidence that is borne of some sort of wisdom that I picked up along the way. I'm always fascinated with finding people that were in my past...like seeing Ned a few months ago or when I find poems by my former professor, Laurie Lamon, or realizing that well-known poet blogger Stephanie Young is someone who also went to school with me or when our mutual friend, Heather, discovers, rather coincidentally, that I had written about her on my site one day.
Joe always says I live too much in my past. I always always wonder what happened to people that somehow changed and shaped my life.
Posted by crystallyn at 05:30 PM | TrackBack
May 20, 2004
let's get physical
So we joined a gym. A really nice gym. Well, not just a nice gym, an expensive gym. Expensive enough to make most people choke--sort of gym. But you know what, I'm really excited about it.
This gym has pretty much everything I could want and more...pool, weights, pilates studio, spinning classes, tennis, all the weights you can imagine, classes galore, a cafe and even a spa.
We committed for a year.
And this time it's not going to be like other times I've joined a gym and skipped out after 4 months. Not when I pretty much gave them my first born child to go there (lucky them!).
I have my first personal training session (one of four included in my membership) tonight. Basically it will be the lay of the land, understanding the equipment, figuring out my goals and plotting a course to move forward. I know that I want to take water aerobics classes and start doing some weight training. They have so many fascinating classes...if I get bored I can just try something else.
It seems so strange to me that I'm excited about exercising. I think that this is the first time, in my entire life, that I can say that.
Many years ago, I spent some time with someone that was in love with me but didn't love my body. I made the bold move of asking what they thought about my body and the response was, "I wish I could be in your body for awhile, because there is so much I could do to change it." Talk about a major blow to my self-esteem. Even now, ten years later, it still stings.
The thing is, I don't want anyone else to change my body...I want ME to be the one to do that, and I want to do it for the right reasons--not to make someone love me. I really rebelled against my feelings back then. Other people may have felt motivated to do something about themselves upon receiving a comment like that, but I was quite the opposite. My father often harped on me about my weight as well, telling me that I would never get a job or a boyfriend unless I lost weight.
I set out to prove them wrong. And I did. I have a career in marketing that has usually been upward, have had many boyfriends and now have a loving husband. Regardless of my weight.
But it was a true statement, really...there IS so much I can do to make my body better. I have been eating extra healthy for quite awhile now, making sure I have lots of fruits and vegetables in my diet. I walk 1-3 miles a day at least 5 days a week. I feel better than I have in a long time.
So the gym is just the next step, to help get that heart rate up and to begin to tone my muscles. Next year I want to be in great shape and join a softball league!
"Health, south wind, books, old trees, a boat, a friend." ~ Emerson.
Sounds good to me.
Posted by crystallyn at 06:15 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
May 05, 2004
things to remember
~ What goes around comes around. If you dish it out, you will receive it back so be thoughtful about what you are serving up.
~ If you continually give, you will continually have. --Chinese proverb.
~ Do what you feel in your heart to be right - for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't. --Eleanor Roosevelt
1. Be Impeccable With Your Word
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
2. Don’t Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
3. Don’t Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
4. Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.
~ Sometimes people you thought believed in you don't actually believe in you. This is really their problem, not yours.
~ The only thing we really have control over in our lives is how we choose to think about ourselves and care for our bodies.
~ Be the change in yourself that you want to see in the world. --Ghandi
~ All is well with you even though everything seems to go dead wrong, if you are square with yourself. Reversely, all is not well with you although everything outwardly may seem to go right, if you are not square with yourself. --Ghandi
~ Illusion is the first of all pleasures. --Oscar Wilde
~ One's real life is often the life that one does not lead. --Oscar Wilde
~ Eighty percent of success is showing up. --Woody Allen
~ Be faithful to that which exists nowhere but in yourself - and thus make yourself indispensable. --Andre Gide
~ Ask yourself: Have you been kind today? Make kindness your daily modus operandi and change your world. --Annie Lennox
~ No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. --Eleanor Roosevelt
~ Every time you suppress some part of yourself or allow others to play you small, you are in essence ignoring the owner's manual your creator gave you and destroying your design. --Oprah Winfrey
~ Challenges are gifts that force us to search for a new center of gravity. Don't fight them. Just find a different way to stand. --Oprah Winfrey
~ Little by little, one travels far. --J.R.R. Tolkein
~ Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. --Dr. Seuss
Posted by crystallyn at 06:02 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
May 02, 2004
spring fever
I haven't been writing much...and in some ways I'm not sure why. I can think of all sorts of things to post, but then I haven't been coming here to post them. So what has been happening with me?
I've been out walking nearly every day...along the Charles in the morning and/or lunch and often around Fresh Pond some evenings and on the weekend. I live about 3 blocks from Fresh Pond so it's a great place to head to...lots of doggies along that walk. Everytime I go I see some funky breed of dog that I haven't seen before. I walk it enough now that I see some of the same people when I go. My landlords told me that they used to walk it every day when they were younger. One trip around the pond is 2.25 miles and when I tack on the distance to and from our house, it is around 3.25 miles total. Yesterday morning was so warm and humid, despite the clouds. It was such a beautiful walk, with the wind in my hair, cooling my skin. I feel torn...I want a good MP3 player to walk with but at the same time, I like just hearing the birds, the waves lapping the trees lining the pond, the dogs barking and panting as I walk by them. Add that to the fact that IPods are still $300 and that there isn't any good knock-off yet (which I fail to understand).
Trying to get geared up for the Cystic Fibrosis walk that I'm doing in a couple of weekends. Six miles to raise money for a good cause. If you are interested in donating, send me an email at poetess AT crystallyn.com and I'll send you a link to my online donation site. I wish I could just link it here but they have a funny set up where it generates a unique URL for people to donate at otherwise it just comes in like I have been the one to donate. You can also PayPal me money at that same email address as well.
Finishing up this semester at school as well. I can't wait for it to be finished. I've been so frustrated with my current class. I dread Mondays and sitting in that classroom for 2.5 hours. My motivation is lacking so much this semester...I know a lot of it is attributed to how I feel about that class. My project is one that will carry me through my last few classes, so it's annoying that because I'm so frustrated with this class that my excitement for my project has dropped off. It's amazing how much teacher/managers can motivate or demotivate a person, even about something they are passionate about.
And I am frustrated by the world climate these days. The job market isn't any better, really, and the numbers become more skewed as more and more people drop off of unemployment. More and more people are dying the longer we stay in Iraq (and to top it off we have a few renegade soldiers over there humiliating prisoners and embarassing the US even further). More and more lies and contradictions unfold every day (our little fiery friend hangs in our living room, btw...excellent gift options for your friends!). Don't even get me going on the whole gay marriage thing, or our environment falling to pieces around us or how my tuition seems to raise everytime I turn around. Sigh. More and more...
I think mostly I just want a few things...
* School to be over.
* Politicians to be dissolved by aliens.
* To win the lottery.
Well of course! This month will be busy though, even once school lets out. Need to get the next issue of Plum Ruby Review ready for its June 1 launch date. Going to help my dad get his Website up and running for his business. And somewhere in there we need to go to Brimfield again. And I need to do spring cleaning on the house!
But mostly, despite all those need-to-do's...I just feel this incredible need to vege out these days...