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August 31, 2003
just came back in
from the backyard where we set up Joe's telescope to check out Mars, which, in case you have been living under a rock and were unaware, is closer than it's been in 60,000 years.
It's the brightest thing in the night sky besides the moon...a big red light in the southwest sky. It's pretty cool. We couldn't see it quite like shown above--there is just too much light pollution, but we could see the polar cap and faint black lines. I think that in the next two weeks or so, we should head over to the Museum of Science and try to really see it. I mean, we'll never have the chance again.
Posted by crystallyn at 11:08 PM | TrackBack
Marcus Aurelius once said...
"The first rule is to keep an untroubled spirit. The second is to look things in the face and know them for what they are."
Posted by crystallyn at 10:14 PM | TrackBack
August 30, 2003
today
when heading outside to have breakfast on the patio, I discovered the first fallen leaf--green veined with splotches of yellow. A turning leaf, the first sign.
I'm seeing lots of signs these days--double numbers on the clock (11:11, 2:22, etc), my boat sailing away on a calm blue ocean, and last night, after talking with Joe about star tattoos (he's convinced that if I get one, it should be on my belly so I can be like the star-belly sneetches!), we see a girl on her bike, pedalling away from us with a big blue star tattoo on the back of each calf.
It's all good.
Posted by crystallyn at 10:15 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
August 28, 2003
hey joey
Driving to work and listening to Fountains of Wayne's Interstate Managers is a great way to start the day. Their lyrics are honest, easy to relate to and the tunes are catchy. I altered the song "Hey Julie" on my way to work this morning...
Hey Joey
Working all day for a mean little woman
With a Prada bag and a rub-on tan
She's got me running 'round the office like a dog around a track
But when I get home,
You're always there to rub my back
Hey Joey,
Look what they're doing to me
Trying to trip me up
Trying to wear me down
Joey, I swear, it's so hard to bear it
And I'd never make it through without you around
Hours on the phone making pointless calls
I got a desk full of papers that means nothing at all
Sometimes I catch myself staring into space
Counting down the hours 'til I get to see your face
Hey Joey,
Look what they're doing to me
Trying to trip me up
Trying to wear me down
Joey, I swear, it's so hard to bear it
And I'd never make it through with out you around
No, I'd never make it through with out you around
How did it come to be
That you and I must be
Far away from each other every day?
Why must I spend my time
Filling up my mind
With facts and figures that never add up anyway?
They never add up anyway
Working all day for a mean little gal
With a bad nose job and an abusive mouth
She's got me running 'round the office
Like a gerbil on a wheel
She can tell me what to do
But she can't tell me what to feel
Hey Joey,
Look what they're doing to me
Trying to trip me up
Trying to wear me down
Joey, I swear, it's so hard to bear it
And I'd never make it through with out you around
No, I'd never make it through without you around
No, I'd never make it through with out you around
Posted by crystallyn at 08:38 AM | TrackBack
August 27, 2003
and really...
I'm good enough, smart enough and doggone it, people like me.
Joe says that's what I need. Stuart. Well, actually, I took a quiz on what my motivator is and it came out that it's my inner drive. And that affirmations are what I really need to help me achieve goals. And well, so of course, what a better man to give me affirmations than Stuart?
I mean really...with such witticisms as this?
"Whining is anger through a small opening."
"It's better to change your shoes than to carpet the world."
Oddly enough, my company was looking to hire Al Franken as a keynote speaker for our annual user conference. Doh! He was booked. Sigh. Now THAT would have been very cool...
Posted by crystallyn at 08:42 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
August 26, 2003
zen
One of my very good girlfriends stopped by tonight and we hung out and drank wine and ate chinese food and chatted about life and our men and our horrible old friends that we aren't friends with anymore and all that stuff that girls talk about. The topic of zen came up in a funny way and I am always amazed when I run across some synchronicity in relation to what I do. I found a very zen-like quote in a newsletter from Sonia Choquette, a woman who has written some really incredible books that are very inspiring for the soul. Sure, it is new-agey but she is one the few that I have found that I have connected with...that I believe and whose message really resonates with me.
Her newsletter mentioned: "This all served to remind me that even if I am resting the Universe isn’t. My teacher, Dr. Tully, was the first to teach me this when he said in one particular class that sometimes the most powerful thing a person can do is nothing. By this he meant that we do not drive the Universe even though our minds would have us believe we do. By doing nothing, when it is time to step back and take a break, we surrender ourselves into the loving hands of God and the Universe which takes up where we leave off and works on our behalf. I know this intellectually. I even know this in my heart. But believe me, even teachers and writers like me are human, and stand to be reminded that God is in the driver’s seat not us."
I read this and realized the full impact. I've really had to just let go at work, to unlatch my sense of who I am from the work I do--to stop being wounded by the change and saddened by what I have done in the past as it is eradicated and the new regime takes hold. To stop feeling so angry. To just BE in the situation and to just let the greater force take hold (whomever your god or higher spirit is) and trust that all will work to your advantage. When you do, it will...and that's what I am trying hard to do. Still stumbling but feeling better.
In the same newsletter (you need to subscribe and I personally think it's worth it), she talks about chakras and what happens when things are out of whack: "If you are feeling unhappy, pushed around, or abused by others in your life, then clearly your third chakra is out of balance. As hard as it may be to believe, your unhappiness and oppression are not so much the product of your circumstances, and out of your control, but is rather something you are choosing to feel."
And this is true...very true. I'm working hard to refocus my energies toward the positive things. I had such a wonderful time tonight enjoying the company of my friend. I have an incredible husband who I can't wait to come home from his baseball game. I have parents who are going to be visiting soon...and in-laws who love me as their own. I have great friends, my writing is waiting for me anxiously (and so are some of Greg's poems!!), and school is about to begin. My life is full and happy and good and work is simply that right now--work--not a career. And so it isn't fulfilling anymore and that's ok. I can sit back and watch it unfold and in the course of it, I will be unfolding too.
Posted by crystallyn at 10:23 PM | TrackBack
August 23, 2003
Casting the Runes
Your Name: Crystal Lyn King
Your Date of Birth: 06/05/1971
Your Question or Information: work, life, creative license
Past Sigel - Victory, power, strength, health, the rune of the sun, vitality, drive to work and produce. | Present Ansuz - Communications, wisdom and clarity, to attract others to your cause, increase magickal energy. | Future Daeg - Increase and expansion, prosperity, growth, major turning points in life, turning in new directions. |
Cast the runes here:
Rune Caster
What a wonderfully positive reading, by way of dear Shanna's site. I think I need Paulette to do a reading for me soon...every time she's read my astrology chart, she's been dead on--she predicted when I was heading back to school (contrary to what I firmly believed) and she predicted the day that Joe asked me to marry him...so well, maybe I might listen with just a little more than a grain of salt now. :) Still, I don't see myself going the way of Nancy Reagan...
Posted by crystallyn at 07:22 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
August 22, 2003
new focus
1. School--which starts on the 2nd. I'm taking two classes, my Practicum (research engagements) and a class, oddly enough, with Joe, called Criticism and Creativity in Literature. I want to be excited about school and really donate a lot of my energy to it this semester.
2. My writing. Both my poetry and expanding that (thanks for the tip, Sean!). I also want to become more involved in Zeugma again and start submitting poetry FINALLY.
3. My health. Yep, how many zillion times have I said it? But I really need to. It's tough though--I wish I had a partner, or a personal trainer; someone to keep me accountable.
4. Journalling. I would really like to start doing my Morning pages again.
5. The other side business venture that I'm going to be exploring with a colleague and with Joe--it's an idea now and it will bring in money on the side if we work it right and well, we'll see how it all plays out. It's rather exciting though. :) As we get it figured out I'll let you know!
6. Finishing my silly guiltysecret bathroom rug.
7. Cleaning off my desk!
Posted by crystallyn at 02:50 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack
well, now I know
what I need to do. And that helps me get closer to removing myself emotionally from my situation. I have been told, in no uncertain terms, how things are shaking out. So finally, I have some clarity. Now I can put on the hard shell, give up hope that it will work out rationally and create the new strategy. It's when I have hope that I get hurt. Now I can put that aside and place that hope in a new place.
I don't do well with uncertainty. I like to have the plan, like to understand the lay of the land. If it's bad news, fine--at least I know and can figure out how to get the best out of the situation. And that's where I am now.
What was the most loved job I have ever had is now a memory--but my portfolio is full and I learned a lot from very talented people. I know what I'm going to do and now I just need luck and to be in the right place at the right time.
I feel better now. Because my sadness is shifting toward pity. My anger toward apathy. If my hard work isn't going to be appreciated then I will find someone else who will.
Posted by crystallyn at 11:22 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
August 21, 2003
one of the reasons
why Keanu is actually a great actor in the Matrix...is because he barely talks.
Ooo I can't wait.
Posted by crystallyn at 08:47 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack
August 20, 2003
sad
and sad.
Sad that there are horrible people in this world. Sad that I don't know how to keep them from affecting me. Sad that in order to move through my world at the moment I have to find a way to just plain not care.
Posted by crystallyn at 06:08 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack
August 16, 2003
and actually
I think Sean lucked out in his name interpretation from the Kabalarian Philosophy. My name outcome is way off.
The name Crystal creates a very independent, practical, analytical nature with skillful business abilities. You desire freedom from restrictions and authority in order that you can pursue your own ambitions. Material and financial success are the focus of your interests, but sacrificing much for material ambition will result in a lack of harmony and balance in your personal life, particularly a lack of appreciation for social courtesies and things of a more inspirational nature. Since you often appear to be too unfeeling, factual, and calculating in your dealings with others, your personal happiness and fulfilment can suffer through difficulty in conveying your feminine qualities of love and affection. Health problems centre in the head affecting the eyes, ears, sinuses, or teeth. Also, tension could afflict the female generative organs.
Lovely. And completely inaccurate except for the first sentence and maybe the second sentence.
Crystallyn is a lot more accurate:
Your first name of Crystallyn has given you energy, drive, and ambition, but also an almost excessively strong-willed and independent nature. While you are creative, inventive, and ingenious in practical matters, and always ready to initiate and promote new undertakings, you often experience difficulty in bringing your undertakings to a successful conclusion because of your own changing interests or changing circumstances. You become intensely involved with everything you plan to do, but the stress arising from frustrating obstacles or misunderstandings with others could prompt you to be intolerant and sarcastic in your expression, with breakdowns in congenial relations with family and friends a possible end result. Any emotional outbursts or moods would register as tension in your solar plexus, resulting in nervous indigestion and related problems. Tension could also centre in the head affecting the eyes, ears, sinuses, or teeth. True relaxation and peace of mind are elusive under this name.
Posted by crystallyn at 06:00 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
there's something
really wonderful about bubblewrap. I'm not the only one that thinks so, right?
So someone managed to even create a virtual bubblewrap site, which isn't quite the same but still quite entertaining. :)
My friend Mike (except I think he's in England for a couple weeks) will find this next bit entertaining--he used to play ping pong a lot, but I don't think it was quite like this.
Yesterday, I brought in Dunkin Donuts for my co-workers...but I had no clue that someone had managed to swing by the only Krispy Kreme in the state of Massachusetts. At 5PM, some of my donuts were still left.
Jeesh and I tried to be nice. I mean, I can't really blame them though--KK donuts are WAY better than DD.
LJC mentioned other things you can do with Krispy Kreme donuts--like making your wedding cake out of them. Hmmm...
Posted by crystallyn at 05:54 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack
August 15, 2003
dream
I had the oddest dream last night...that I took another job and had started work but it was such a strange haphazard working environment. My new boss was in the office and he never said hi to me. Later, I was walking by a room with an open door and two or three people were sitting around chatting casually and talking about non-work related things. I apparently knew them and so I went in and sat down. The guy from out of town looked at me and said why did you come into the room? I was stunned and said, the door was open so I thought it was fine. He became furious and said, just because the door is open doesn't mean I want you to come in and sit down with us. I apologized but he had already gotten up and stormed off. In the background the whole time, there were two people helping some guy move his stuff out of the office...it was his last day and I realized it was my boss who had never said anything to me.
After the boss left, I remembered that I hadn't quit my other horrible job with a horrid, insecure and verbally abusive boss yet--that I was just trying this one out. I wasn't sure I felt better knowing that the new job was falling to pieces and that I could go back to the old job.
I spend my nights trying to reach into the sky and tear down the stars to wrap around me for protection.
Posted by crystallyn at 06:30 AM | TrackBack
August 11, 2003
home of baseball
We just came back from four days in Cooperstown, NY, where the National Baseball Hall of Fame is and Doubleday Field is. Joe played two exhibition games against a North Carolina team. They lost one and won one. We had a great time.
If you go, there are a million things to do, ranging from the Glimmerglass Opera, the Farm Museum, Fennimore Cooper Folk Art Museum, Ommegang Brewery, Howe Caverns and exploring the cute little Main Street, which is filled with baseball memorabilia shops. I blogged about last year's trip if you want all those details.
You need to stay at the Daylily Dreams bed & breakfast if you go. We stayed in the Velvet Rose room...beautiful, affordable, and great breakfasts. I can't praise this little place enough!
And now, back to the grind. Vacations are always so short lived.
*reminds self to continue to find ways to become independently wealthy*
Posted by crystallyn at 06:51 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
August 05, 2003
OMG
Umm...I just don't have the words to describe my reaction to this...
http://in.news.yahoo.com/030624/43/25eim.html
Posted by crystallyn at 07:57 PM | Comments (7) | TrackBack
August 03, 2003
i'm looking over a four-leaf clover
Actually, I'm looking over a little round globe of water that is filled with 22 four leaf clovers!! I managed to get them back from the Berkshires where we were visiting with Joe's parents for the weekend.
His mom has a knack for finding them...I've never seen anything like it. She can usually pick up one or two from the yard or from up at the garden, and I've pressed them before and brought them home. Yesterday, on the way out to go see Edith Wharton's Mount, we stopped up at the garden (which is about 1/2 mile from the house--they take part in a community garden which gives them more room than the garden at home) where they were weeding and picking cucumbers and beans. Rosie found me a four-leaf clover right away (after she showed us where the woodchuck has been living under the garden shed). I placed it in my poetry notebook and we headed off to see if we might catch a glimpse of Edith, who is reportedly still haunting her old manse.
When we came back that afternoon, with a strawberry-rhubarb pie in hand (I had decided it was too hot to cook the cobbler I was thinking about), I discovered that Rosie picked me an entire bouquet of four-leaf clovers--it's amazing. I have only found one in my lifetime--and it took me three hours of lying in a clover bed when I was about 12. She just looks down and they seem to jump into her hands.
A little extra luck never hurt anyone, right? And 22 four-leaf clovers?! I'm bound for good things, I think.
Posted by crystallyn at 04:17 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
August 01, 2003
i'm ok
and thanks for all the words of concern. Just things are stressful--a lot of change happening in my work life. The sad part is that I no longer will be working with one of the best managers/CEOs that I have ever had the chance to work with.
I won't be talking anymore about work on this blog, but planning a very relaxing weekend just vegging.
Have a great weekend!