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November 03, 2003

writing, procrastinating, creating

is the name of my game. I'm in the thick of it now, 13,558 words. 26 pages. Not too bad! Tonight I found myself struggling a bit though, staring at the page and feeling slow and empty. I think that I'm too tired to really write effectively--I started after class and I was already pretty drained by that point. I wasn't able to write during the day today as I was in a flurry trying to figure out the work for my class--the research engagement class for my syn(thesis) project that I'll be doing next fall.

For the first time in my entire life, everything I'm doing is centered around the very thing I love most--writing and creating. My research is in developing a particular type of writing exercises, so it means as I write my novel, I can be my own guinea pig. My writing is the center of my creation, and the other aspects of what I love most about writing, creating and marketing are culminating in the Plum Ruby Review. I'm creating, writing, researching, designing and editing, all at the same time. I feel so excited about the vision of my future.

Tonight, one of my colleagues gave a presentation about his project, which is essentially his work in designing a professional career as an editorial cartoonist (the guy is amazing...once he starts publishing I'll point you in his direction!). He's a great guy, kind, honest, creative. He was nervous as he talked, but he needn't have been. His talent will take him places he still can barely dream about. Finally, in doing this project, he took drastic steps to lead him toward a new career path. He left his work as a carpenter and took a part-time job selling coffee so that he could spend more creative energy on the pursuit of a career that he knows will be hard-work but in the end, extraordinarily fulfilling. He's following his dream. He's taking risks, researching the things he needs to make the dream come true and he's just plain going after it.

How inspiring is that?!

For the first time ever, I am believing that I will support myself through my writing, through my projects and through my true talents. It won't be immediately, but it will happen. I will publish. I will make money. I will be happy. I may never be rich, but between Joe and I, I think that we have a lot of silver lined clouds to explore in our future.

I am going to have to work at it. I have to live it. I have to breathe it. I've always been too scared. Always too worried about what other people think. Always worried that I would either fail, or, oddly enough be too successful. Scared of the massive responsibility of relying upon myself rather than an employer. Scared of not making enough money. The list goes on.

I've wasted a lot of time to get to this point, to discover this resolve. I have a long list of things I need to do before I'm 40 and I'm getting started!

Posted by crystallyn at November 3, 2003 11:36 PM

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Comments

Posted by: Heidi at November 4, 2003 08:02 AM

Posted by: kat at November 4, 2003 10:40 PM